How to explain that I shouldn’t have to share intimate details about my relationship with family

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years. At first, my family was supportive and invited him over several times, even to stay nights. It's confusing because there are moments they are very kind to him, but other times they question his values and his truthfulness regarding pretty heavy things when he's been open about many personal struggles and has only ever been generous with his time, energy, and money. Lately, I'm getting accused of being cold, distant, and "different" despite talking with family 1-3 hours/day and helping with things like paperwork, booking appointments, etc. (I now live away from home) because I don't share a lot of details about my relationship like how often we talk every week, if we're sexually active, and his family's lives. I've even been criticized for not sharing details about the health status of one of his friends they met a couple times.

I've been told I've been "brainwashed" when I tried explaining that there are some things about our relationship and his personal life that I either a) don't think are relevant to them so why should they know or b) aren't appropriate to share with other people. I really do think some things should be kept between couples, but I'm being told that my not sharing shows that I'm in a way choosing him over my family. I used to share basically everything with them and now that I don't, it's a problem. Part of the concern is that because my boyfriend isn't close with his family, I've stopped being close with mine, but his situation is entirely different because they've always been very physically and emotionally abusive.

I tried explaining myself and giving examples of things I've done for them and reassuring that I will always be available to help and give time and love, but apparently I'm a liar since I've also confessed I've felt scared to be honest about things in the past because I wasn't sure how they'd react (eg., I've been made to feel guilty for wanting to spend a completely normal amount of time with my bf before and some times when I've been upset have been invalidated). I've been told "since you couldn't be open about things in the past, how do we know you're not lying when you say you're there for us" and "true love is completely honest and transparent", implying I don't actually love them. Now I'm being threatened to be cut off financially and told that if I want to "go my own way" I can. I also was criticized for wanting to go on a short trip with him even though I wouldn't be sacrificing my studies and him and I would pay for everything (him spending money on this instead of saving up is also being scrutinized even though he has a stable job).